Month: April 2016

Am I comedic or am I serious?

Rehearsing on my own… (what’s the point?) 

I’m going to be honest, this has been one of the hardest challenges I have ever faced as both a actor and writer. (That is no small understatement.) I have found myself both hating and loving this process and I honestly think that is the beauty in this subject. Yes you’re on your own and yes it’s daunting but the overall process of what you learn about yourself as an actor, writer and director is priceless, I have found myself making creative choices in terms of my own acting and my overall subject matter. I have gone from being overly serious in acting to trying one of a more comedic nature, and honestly I think comedy will always win as often it is the format that a once passive spectator can get behind and allow themselves to put their guard down. I think weirdly I should exploit this, not with stupid ideas but ones of a more practical nature that look like they have taken little thought however have taken long, overdrawn planning. Maybe the ideas I have currently around boredom or procrastination.

After talking to Martian I face one real problem “STOP BLOODY ACTING!” it is easier said than done. We all as scholars and students come from a background where we are constantly told to act and how to act, this module and process is different from anything I have ever done before. Yes granted most solo performers are themselves while on stage and this should be endorsed and applauded and is evident from such past and presently admired artists like Spalding Grey and Simon Callow or Tim Crouch (These are people I mention because I admire them) I think the real problem of solo performance as a artist making theatre alone is self judgement or trying to be perfect at everything you do. Honestly everything you do is a action that will either hinder or break a developing show. (You really can’t tell yourself to fuck off or by god do a better, because let’s be honest it’s just you… so what is the point.) Talking with Martian allowed me a clearer perspective on my overall concept, if I’m honest it was rough to sarcastic and a little boring… it needs re-writing or maybe completely turned over. I think previously I uploaded a working script however I will re-check this.

I think my real problem among the multitude of problems I seem to have is am I comedic or serious? Do I want to entertain or inform, or simply do I just want to put on a provocative piece,

“quite frankly, fuck genres. Fuck art form divisions. Let’s talk to, and learn from one another.” (Nicklin, 2012).

I think the honest answer is I want to do both, both educate and inform while still maintaining a light atmosphere. This maybe something I need to explore in future drafts. Martian had me re-read certain lines from my script and I think this honestly helped as it was interesting to read  my work out loud and see if my work had any affect on those listening. (Weirdly it did.) I currently seem to be overacting and I think through continual re-writes and self directing or maybe working with someone else namely Billy I get gauge a honest reaction to what I can achieve in my own developing solo performance. I also think that I need to allow myself some time for improvising within my work while on stage as it can create completely unforeseen moments that can be exploited on stage.

I think I should also explore my own opening as at the moment I feel this is one element that is the most important and sets the overall tone of the piece.

Future updates to follow.

To give you an idea of one of my working scripts I have written it below.

…

OBJECTS OUT THERE. (working script.)

I feel like a object.

Not an important object, an everyday object.

Gestures to the floor.

Trapped.

Observed.

Never really understood.

I feel like the light hidden in the fridge. Who is it for? Do fridges even need lights?

I thought carrots made you see in the dark. I’m trapped like the last dregs in a cup; ready to be swalloed or thrown away. I’m like IKEA a wasteland of wood , regret and complex or missing instructions. Part A does not connect to part B, and C just fucked off with that new mahogany bedside table. I’m a bedside table.

Takes a moment.

I belong to IKEA. My room that’s where you will find me… My room. I’m not alone, we are never alone when there is so many of us. I’m like trying to explain reality T.V to an alien: The reference points just aren’t there.

:Objects and maybe sky transitions. 

I want to tell you something. You sat out there in the dark. I want to bring into the light… My light. You are these objects, yes all of them, even the most useless utensil out there. How often does this get used? Do I even know what this does?                 I’m middle aged.

Picks up random object. 

Don’t panic… words to live by. Bliss lies on the over side of crushing, crushing boredom. Pay close attention to the most tedious thing you can think of […] and in waves a boredom like you’ve never known [it] will wash over you, and just about kill you. Fuck… I’ve left one of these on I know it.

Switch in character to someone who resembles a teacher.

Avoidance of doing a task which needs to be accomplished: it is itself the practice of doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones. This is the definition of procrastination. I’m talking to random objects in my bedroom. It is not as if the kettle is going to answer me back, all it does is make shit cups of tea.

Goes over and begins turning random objects one: Each time a story is told the light spreads wider. 

I was young, younger than I care to remember. I was stupid and stereo-typically naive. Like many others I was alone. The sun, I remember the sun. It was hot not burn on your face hot but pleasant and I was waiting for someone, something… Impossible. I was going to see her again. She was dead… I knew that but I was going to see her again. I looked up… I always looked up. The clouds parted and I was still alone. I had always been told on a bright day when the clouds look like crystal white ice-shards and they part, revealing a glimpse into the sky’s beyond… I would see he… I…

Objects they all have warranties. No one expects a toaster to explode. Or a whisk to break mid-use. However we know no matter the price tag… Things eventually break.

The light spreads a little wider. 

…

 

My thoughts on this draft. 

I think this draft has several potential problems, one why am I saying this and is it really worth saying.  Granted when Martian was reading my very first draft there was the odd chuckle of laughter here and there, overall he seemed to react in a positive manner however for me this script has one looming issues.  Let’s be honest if I am a actor and I don’t enjoy what I am performing what is the point of doing it.

I don’t think the writing is bad overall I just personally feel that I as  writer and actor can do better, it is missing several beats concerning performance visuals. It needs to be bigger and it needs to play to my strengths, I.e. sarcasm and whit (if I can say that) I also feel this script could get the occasional chuckle but honestly I really don’t see the point.

I also feel after talking to Martian that within my developing style that my story is simply not strong enough to need a solo performance, granted within it there is a highly personal story hidden only to me (the part about the clouds parting, it sounds strange to admit) but I don’t think that is what my performance should be. Most solo performers use some form of autobiographical content within their work and this is no different for me, however I am not prepared to bare my soul on stage on stage for the sake of a sympathetic script.  I think a re-write is in order so that I can convey a more light-hearted approach to my work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Works Cited.

Nicklin, H. (2012) “Music and theatre should belong to nobody, everybody.” – Hannah Nicklin compared ‘DIY’ music with ‘DIY’ theatre. I Live Sweat. Available from http://ilivesweat.tumblr.com/post/13838799382/music-and-theatre-should-belong-to-nobody [accessed 12 May 2016].

SPALDING GRAY

(1941-2004).

 

Full name: Splading Rockwell Gray.

Born June 1941-January 11th 2004.

An American actor and writer known for his autobiographical monologues which were written and performed in both the theater and his own solo films, among others. Sadly Gray passed away in New York City after an apparent or supposed suicide in 2004 after reportedly jumping off a ferry, leaving behind two sons and a wife. For the purpose of this I will talk about a small collection of his works.

Filmed monologues.

Swimming In Cambodia.

Monster in a Box.

Terrors Of Pleasure.

Has been remembered and described as:

“The lone star of such peerless exercises in public introspection as “Swimming to Cambodia” and “Monster in a Box,” Mr. Gray was the ultimate stand-up soloist. He made it clear that his work was less about using his personality as a prism to refract the world than using the world to refract his personality.” Ben Brantley: The New York Times.

“During the 1980’s and 1990’s, a number of critics claimed that Gray actually created the genre of autobiographical performance. If that is an overstatement—and it is—Gray’s work still had an undeniable influence on a generation of writers (and performers) of autobiography, creative nonfiction and postmodern storytelling, as well as those who have followed.”

“While his performances resembled — and influenced — the confessional style of contemporaries like Eric Bogosian and John Leguizamo, Mr. Gray’s work had a search for larger meaning — a quest, as he put it, for ”the perfect moment.”

A film dedicated to his memory:

And Everything Is Going Fine. A Stephen Seidenberg Tribute. 

On the subject of suicide in Gray Spalding’s work.

“What’s so bizarre in all this,” Mr. Soderbergh said, “was the central role suicide played in his life.” Gray’s mother committed suicide when she was 52, and his work is haunted by his memory of that act and his fear that he would be compelled to repeat it. “It’s right at the core of the work, and it’s discussed in such a wide-ranging way,” Mr. Soderbergh said. “And maybe that’s what frightened me when I heard about his accident.”

(IFCFilmsVOD, 2012).

The joy and ecstasy of Gray’s performances can be seen through his vast energy and simplicity when tackling diverse and complex subject matters, ones that are often unspoken or to taboo for conventional performances to tackle. Of choosing a taboo subject matter can always help highlight a performance into one that stands above the rest, outside of traditional theater. This performance style allows him a very exclusive relationship with the viewer as you are slowly brought into his world, nurtured before being thrown in at the deep end. His very pace and energy keep you engaged until you realize the topic his is covering I.e. Swimming to Cambodia that tackles countless killings and mass-genocide, however through Gray’s performance you are invested in his very character from start to finish.

Looking into my own style I believe I will borrow heavily from Gray’s technique of sitting and talking as myself to an intimate audience, I also believe that within my own performance they will carry strong connections, all be it a more more simpler version.  I am lending my story’s and ideas within his style with my own simplistic take, outside of his unconventional sit-down theater.

His Methodology. 

Always performs seated behind a desk with nothing but a microphone and single glass of water and his monologue manuscript. Using visual aids to help tell his stories. He once commented that:

“Looking back on it, telling stories to Liz, her sister Ellen, and their roommate every night when I’d get back, about my encounters on the streets. We all lived in this one house on Sixth Street and Avenue D. No television, and no radio really. That was really kind of the beginning of my storytelling”

“I go through three stages. The first is trying to figure out what I’m thinking about and talking about by actually doing it. I have never prewritten a monologue; I depend on working off the audience, making it like a dialogue.”

“Mr. Gray had decided to pursue the monologue as a type of performance art, and soon hit on his basic set (desk, water, notes) and approach (simple, measured, candid).”

“This is how I start. I sit down with a pencilled outline and tape record it as I perform it with an audience. What I start with is memory. All memory is a creative act. If you have a memory, you’re re-creating the original event. That’s why the O.J. Simpson trial went on for as long as it did. It’s based on recollection, and that’s a very loose and open thing, a creative thing. So my memory is my first structure. Then I listen to a tape of what I said and wonder how I can make it a little more dramatic and funny by juxtaposing a little hyperbole here and play with it a little bit there.”

Swimming to Cambodia 

Swimming to Cambodia was originally a theater piece on which Gray spent two years working. The original running time of the performance was four hours long and took place over two nights. The condensed film version is eighty-four minuets. Gray first achieved prominence in the United States with his monologue Swimming to Cambodia, which he wrote in 1985 and was adapted into a film in 1987. This work was based particularly on his experience in a small role in the 1984 film The Killing Fields, which was filmed principally in Thailand. This film experience made Spalding question the senseless killings that occurred in such a tranquil setting.

(Readers Digest UK, 2015).

(ThoughtCoffee, 2009).

https://youtu.be/dJpl1TgwTDA?t=8

The main character, who is diagnosed with a rare ocular condition called Macular pucker. After hearing all of his options, such as Christian Science, Native American sweat lodges, and the “Elvis Presley of psychic surgeons”, and the dangers of what surgery could bring, he decides to go through the other forms of medicine provided. This in turn takes him on a journey around the world and steers him away from surgery more so because of religious reasons, often in a dramatic and humorous fashion this was directed by Stephen Soderbergh who would later direct Gray’s tribute film.

Notable things about Gray’s work include his decisive use of juxtaposition within his subject matters, both poking fun at humanity as a flawed human being and respecting the flaws and negatives that make us up as one.

Using political topics he outlines matters that are often ignored or seemed unworthy or too sensitive for traditional performances. I also feel that using these topics within a solo performance allow a unique platform in which to promote or disregard a topic.

His often effective use of lighting and sound create a sense of scale and ‘important theatricality’, there is a very theatrical method within his work and you can see through his partnership with directors and his own film acting, he has adapted this to suit his own needs.

I would say that while he is seated he achieves a personal relationship with a viewer and this does not hinder his performance, however it heightens it to new levels in which he has complete control over those around him. I also feel presenting a continued monologue with different levels in tone and pace help keep the overall performance fresh and exciting.  I only wish there was more of his work or maybe his own method broken down, instead of just stated.

Within my own performance I would to utilize his sense of scale and theatricality, even his own dynamic film-like style that uses contrasting colors and ensemble themes.

Works Cited.

IFCFilmsVOD (2012) And Everything Is Going Fine – Trailer. Available from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNGe1c0C7Lc [accessed 21 April 2016].

Readers Digest UK (2015) Swimming to Cambodia Available-now. Available from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6z_77BxOmM [accessed 21 April 2016].

ThoughtCoffee (2009) Gray’s Anatomy- Spalding Gray – Trailer. Available from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJpl1TgwTDA [accessed 21 April 2016].

Throughout my conceptual devising process I have collected my thoughts, feelings and expressions on what  ideas or potential working scripts I have devised in order to create and elaborate on elements for content within my show.

Solo Performance: Draft Script.                                                                                   (11/03/2016.).

A side plate of cheese.

          The stage is bare apart from a lone figure hunched in a ball on the ground, he is dressed in simple grey clothing and should allow the imagery of a small mouse complete with ears and tail. Projected on the back wall is a montage of violent generic cartoons. These should be silent and repeat throughout the first monologue. Center stage is a large bed, fitted with overflowing sheets and all manner of objects one would associate with night-time procrastination. The cartoon Imagery behind the actor should be fast and distracting and exemplify cliche cartoon-violence. (Almost over-bearing dwarfing the actor on stage.).

            The figure looks up and dashes forward grabbing a small piece of cheese that is just out of his reach. There is an animalistic quality to this.

Where do we start?

He looks around takes a deep-breath wipes his face and then speaks.

Here… No there.

            The actor dashes backwards and forwards and leaps on the bed. Taking a moment he/she wraps himself in the over-flowing sheets almost completely obscuring his image. (Sounds around   him begin, they echo unloving muttering and directly ask the actor on stage obscure questions.)The actor look furiously left and right searching for a source of the noise, there is none around. .

The sounds of the cartoon violence steadily grows louder to an almost deafening point.       

Silence.

The images continue to play.

During this the actor eyes closed slowly gathers the sheets around him and grows to his full height, he is serious, no emotion is shown, they stare forwards caught in their own imagination almost in a trance.

Slow melodic-music begins almost vague and unimportant.

Metamorphosis: Metamorphosis Two.

Taking a step forwards they stand on the edge of the bed, almost as if they were about to fall a great height. The lights above change to a deep almost peaceful night-sky blue. The actor slowly outstretches their arms and softly billows the sheets around their back, like they were flying through the clouds.

Beat.

The music comes to an abrupt stop.

No…

           Beat. The actor’s eyes open and the lights slowly fade to black. During this the actor sits at the end of the bed. They are small, almost invisible. (The animalistic quality’s return.). They shine a light from a torch on their face, and begin to talk.

Sometimes when I’m alone I think, I just think…

I look around my room, and I look at all the objects, all the things.

My things, my possessions…

There’s the globe, there’s my bed and there is a lamp.

It’s funny… I sometimes use my hands, make shadows…                                        

Things don’t seem that lonely anymore.

I’m getting older now. Things are changing, I’m changing, developing.

There’s moments though, when I look out the window and see people

Walking, passing by.

Going forwards and backwards

FORWARDS AND BACKWARDS.

FORWARDS AND BACKWARDS.

Beat.

I’d like to be one of those people, I imagine it. I think, I think what I would do if I was

Going…          

FORWARDS AND BACKWARDS, FORWARDS AND BACKWARDS.

But I’m not, I’m in my room. I’m alone…

BUT I’M NOT ALONE!

Because there are people here, you see?

There are things, there are things that I can do things that I can see.

It’s strange…

I don’t remember; Friends, friends…

I’ve, I’ve never had many friends… I… I don’t know… They all disappear.

Strange… I’m not sure what I am trying to say… I’m just when I think out loud, things, things help.

Like… like THE WORLD

I look at the world, and it’s turning every day, every day its turning.

And there are so many people. So many people and there alone.

And I’m alone. But we are not together… I don’t know.

Beat.

And when its night, and I’m staring forward… Just staring.

Sometimes people say being alone is good, its good for the imagination, it helps you think.

Beat

But I’m always thinking… I don’t sleep. Just stare… Forwards. Into the dark, things around me they appear so small…

Beat.

I like cheese… I’ve always liked cheese.

It gives you nightmares people say. I DON’T THINK IT GIVES ME NIGHTMARES.

I think it helps.

I think Red-Leicester, no… no Gorgonzola, Nah I don’t like Gorgonzola err… Portsalut… I like Portsalut. It’s a French cheese, it’s got fruit… It’s nice. I think when I was a kid I used to eat, dairy-lea-dunkers I don’t eat those any more.

Apparently they are really bad for you… I don’t know everything these days is really bad for you…

Its strange though. I just… Sometimes I think about being small.

Almost invisible.

I just sit and look and I feel better.

But then there is a knock on my door and I’m back… I’m back in the world, scary world… there is people, and I can hear the noises. Music, sounds, lights…

I’m not sure.  

           

            This first script titled  A Side Plate Of Cheese was the result of my original idea of constructing a performance, centered around a bedroom setting; Arguably one if not the most intimate location we can reveal to someone. I originally intended to be dressed as a mouse as stated above and, create a sense of scale and fear, but also vulnerability through my portrayal of myself behind the safety of a caricature of this character Mouse,  I have created as a metaphorical mask from which to hide behind. The script itself was originally a workshop of ideas and thoughts that I had devised while trying to create a sense of urgency in my performance through audio-recording myself.

However due  to WordPress having a file restriction I was unable to upload it. I shall however at a further date try.

Things Don’t Always Go Bump In The Night.

So many places. Childhood…

Adulthood… Parenthood…

No… No death

This is not going to be fun.

This is not going to be joyful.

In fact I’m bored myself. 

Your surroundings lie to you…

Yes there are things we associate with happiness, toys, food, and love.

You’re all too clever for me, and I really tried.

I want you to know this.

Takes a brief moment, places their tale in their hands and swings it round and round.
Do not have that, it is not mine to give to you. This is me, this is who I am.
I am real and I will have my say.

Yes I’m dressed like a mouse, it’s weird to see this right… Yes I even have a tail and ears. The complete package. However I am trapped. This whole setting/scenery/ visuals is a metaphor of me.

Some of you may understand, some of you may not.

I am not Mickey Mouse, no… no. He was owned by a tyrant a war-lord… I am owned by no one, and no one shall miss me.

Funnily enough, no one shall miss you… Well at least for ten to twelve minuets. 

In this show, can I call It a show there is no voice from you, you are not needed but you are wanted. I want you to watch, listen laugh… be yourself. You are not tied no normal theatricality.

You are you and I am me all be it a heightened version… Ask the person next to you do they understand.

If not they should leave.

I’m hoping no one leaves, it was hard enough to get an audience as it was.

That was a joke, yes a terrible joke.

Feel free to laugh, it’s better than crying. 

Solo Influence.

The Critics / Critics at large.

The fine art of giving offence.

“It is important to recognize that such gossip is not just a verbal form of “gratuitous violence”. It is not pointless or unnecessary, but in fact has a perfectly reasonable purpose, and clear social benefits… Negative gossip also promotes social bonding between to gossipers. By criticizing someone else, we are affirming the values and opinions we share with each other- emphasizing what we have in common our friendships, building alliances.”

Julie Burchill.

This short script was an exercise in devising a script that briefly outlined what my intentions were, and how as a collected audience they could either hinder or influence my show through their reactions ans status. If I am honest it is a watered-down version of a more complex idea, that creates a metaphorical mask from which I as myself, and also a heightened- version of a character could exemplify the simplicity and broken facade of a theatrical setting; ultimately breaking all normal conventions. I was also inspired by the non-illusionary writings of

Objects Out There

I feel like an object.
Not an important object, an everyday object.

Gesture to floor.

Trapped

Observed.

Never really understood.

I feel like the light hidden in the fridge.

Who is it for? Do fridges even need lights?

I thought carrots made you see in the dark.

I’m trapped like the last dregs in a cup; ready to be swallowed or thrown away.

I’m like IKEA; A wasteland of wood, regret, and complex or missing instructions.

Part A does not connect to Part B, and C just fucked off with that new mahogany bedside table.

I’m a bedside table.

Take a moment.

I belong to IKEA…

My Room that’s where you will find me… My room.

I’m not alone, we are never alone when there is so many of us.

I’m like trying to explain reality T.V to an alien: The reference points just aren’t there.

Objects and maybe sky transitions.

I want to tell you something. YOU sat out there in the dark.

I want to bring you into the light… My light.

You are these objects, yes all of them, even the most useless utensil out there.

How often does that get used?

Do I even know what this does?

I’m middle aged.

Pick up random object.

Don’t panic… Words to live by. Tiss such a guide.

Bliss… lies on the other side of crushing, crushing boredom. Pay close attention to the most tedious thing you can think of […] and in waves a boredom like you’ve never known will [it] wash over you, and just about kill you.

Fuck… I’ve left one of these on I know it.

Switch in character to someone who resembles teacher or authoritative figure.

Avoidance of doing a task which needs to be accomplished: It is in itself the practice of doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones. This is the definition of procrastination.

I’m talking to random objects in my bedroom. It not as if the kettle is going answer me back, all it does is make shit cups of tea.

Goes over and begins turning random objects on.

Each time a story is told the light spreads wider.

I was young, younger then I care to remember. I was stupid and stereo-typically naive. Like many others I was alone. The sun, I remember the sun. It was hot not burn your face hot but pleasant and I was waiting for someone, something… Impossible. I was going to see her again. She was dead… I knew that but I was going to see her again. I looked up… I always looked up. The clouds parted and I was still alone. I had always been told, on a bright day when the clouds look like crystal white ice-shards and they part, revealing a glimpse into the sky’s beyond… I would see her. I…

Objects. They all have warranties.

No one expects a toaster to explode.

Except when it is placed in running water or a bath.

Or a whisk to break mid use.

However we know no matter the price tag…

Things eventually break.

The light spreads a little wider.

This script is very personal to me, yes it has a simple tone however beyond this is a secret of my own life. Now I know I’m supposed to avoid creating a very personal feel, however to approach the subject of loneliness and procrastination I deeply felt I had to create an easy-going atmosphere and reveal a very intimate part of myself. I have set my show within the domestic setting of the very real and intimate space of a bedroom setting, as often this is when we can feel the most alone or together the one we love. In a very real sense it is a perfect metaphor of a simple room being a simple human quality in which we are all flawed. I also think the idea of simplicity is key, as honestly how do you make domestic objects like hot-water bottles, blankets, pillows and random domestic objects appear important or relevant when making simple jokes about yourself and your surroundings.

Approaching this from a sarcastic and comedic point of view this allows me the choice to either approach the audience in an easy manner, or a more approachable one creating a very real sense of relationship between myself as a heightened actor and, also myself. I was also inspired by the simplicity of Spalding Grey who with the use of mere props, seated behind his simple wooden table reinvented the complex simplicity of a intimate solo performance. I was also impressed and equally intimidated by his complex and dense subject matter in which he dealt with diverse and often taboo topics, in a comedic yet human way. This is something I hope to briefly touch on within my own show. Grey discovered and utilized serious subject matters to the uninformed in a complex narrative that would have you laughing one moment and crying the next, it esence it was dense, fast, and very unforgiving.

           

           

           

While undergoing research for my own solo performance I came across a book by accessible writer Matt Haig who has written a variety of books that deal with personal health, humor, death and the absurd. I found his writing and sense of scope and also deep humanity to be approachable and almost gentle. Granted, his topics  deal with areas that are sometimes the ones we as a society tend to avoid or ignore for fear of opening the figuratively speaking ‘a deep can of worms’. A self confessed manic depressive he give a honest to life account of dealing with depression in an often upbeat and humors manner. Truth be told while reading his book as part of my creative research, I found myself openly laughing about content that I really should be more closed about, however this is where I feel the line between topic and performance truly begin and this is what I want to incorporate into my own performance.

As my own show is a “comedic exploration of procrastination and loneliness” I feel looking at sources that talk about emotion and depression are interesting and insightful as often loneliness can be a product of depression or visa-versa.

One of his chapter’s titled, Life On Earth To An Alien:

This opening deals with some of the ideas that I want to express concerning loneliness, however it has to be said there are moments in this text that could be considered a little bleak or depressing. I want to avoid this, however I do ultimately aim to educate my audience, but I do not want to preach. I want the audience to feel a small sense of fulfillment or ‘difference’ in   change, in a small way of perspectives. I honestly feel his writing style, lends itself to one of a theatrical nature.

It’s hard to explain depression to people who haven’t suffered from it. It’s like explaining life on Earth to an alien. The reference points just aren’t there. You have to resort to metaphors. You are trapped in a tunnel. You are at the bottom of the ocean.  You are on fire. The main   thing is the intensity of it. It does not fit within the normal spectrum of emotions. When you are in it, you are really in it. You can’t step outside it without stepping outside of life, because it is  life. It is your life. Every single thing you experience is filtered through it. Consequently, it magnifies everything. At its most extreme, things that an everyday normal person would hardly notice have overwhelming effects. The sun sinks behind a cloud, and you feel that slight change in weather as if a friend has died. (Haig, 2015, 25-26).

Depression Is…:

An internal war.

A black dog (thanks, Winston Churchill and Dr Johnson).

A black hole.

An invisible cooker.

A pressure cooker.

A devil inside.

A prison.

An absence.

A bell jar (‘I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar,’ wrote Plath, ‘stewing in my own sour air’).

A malicious code in the operating system of your mind. A parallel universe.

A life-long fight.

A living nightmare.

An echo chamber.

Dark and hopeless and lonely.

A collision between an ancient mind and a modern world (evolutionary psychology).

A fucking pain.

(Haig, 2015,  175-176).

The Power of Negative emotion. 

This book I would claim has been both beneficial and a huge hindrance to my developing work as it has changed my own preconceptions of what ‘negative emotion’ is. Overall I assumed that escapism and mundanity were caused by those around you however this book illustrates that it is your depressing surroundings that can cause these feelings. It takes case studies and accounts of those admitting or retelling parts or processes of their lives where they have felt overwhelmed by ‘negative emotions’ and aims to dissect them into the smallest detail. It has been highly useful as a source for both humor and narrative content within my own developing scripts and work. It inspired me when creating a narrative to use some of its text in order to ground my work within a scholarly sense. In many ways it further inspired me to continue my pursuit into looking into self-help books and see the whit and cynicism within them. Some if its chapters make for an interesting albeit cynical read if you are like me, never the less I can’t deny its value within my own developing work.

CHAPTER 1. THE FALSE NOISE OF HAPPINESS

CHAPTER 2. THE RISE OF THE COMFORTABLE CLASS

CHAPTER 3. WHAT’S SO GOOD ABOUT FEELING BAD?

CHAPTER 4. HOW POSITIVE EMOTION CAN LEAD TO YOUR DOWNFALL

CHAPTER 5. BEYOND OBSESSION WITH MINDFULNESS

CHAPTER 6. THE TEDDY EFFECT

CHAPTER 7. THE WHOLE ENCHILADA

(How can I not be sarcastic about this?)

The World Beyond Your Head

 

This book has been an interesting read for me because If I am honest I find myself at odds with the entire thing as it yet again leans towards self help and suggests statements of ‘you are pointless unless you do something about your life’ it has however influenced how I write on the subject of both loneliness and procrastination. This book highlights on elements that in everyday life are made to influence or distract you from advertisements, technology to other mediums. I think this text is interesting as within performance we are being distracted and it is only through concentration that we are able to produce worthwhile material or highlight key issues. However vague this text may be I think I should utilize some of it overdone lessons within my solo performance, maybe use the format of multiple medias in order to convey my overall message.

Works Cited.

Haig, M. (2015) Reasons To Stay Alive. Edinburgh: Canongate.

One interesting aspect of undergoing solo performance is the ability to create content on your own however I myself have found within myself that I am deeply visual learner and performer and even actor. One aspect of my developing solo performance I have always maintained strong links to is the idea of visuals as these either aid or hinder a overall performance and its development, one image can say a thousand words where as several can only say so many. As with my original Idea I talked with Martian about including elements from Chris Goodes’ The Adventures of Wound Man and Shirley, which we examined as a group during one session. I think the most interesting aspect of this text as a solo performance Is the fact that it is unapologetic and almost dreamlike and whimsical, I also like the idea of creating something that is normal while still maintaining the aspect of not being real. Although I  don’t particularly like Goodes’s writing I can’t deny it has amazing theatrical style and is in itself highly clever and approachable. However I think my real problem lies in this text being to theatrical and at present my work is more autobiographical. I shall develop this further in the coming weeks.

The Adventures of Wound Man and Shirley Trailer. 

(Hull Truck Theatre, 2012).

This text taught me the importance of creating a character on stage and I think it could be useful in aiding the overall development of my script. When I talk about creating a character I am not talking about myself as a performer however one of a more narrative driven nature. As Goodes text creates the split duo of Wound Man and Shirley I too could create something similar along these lines, originally I intended to create the idea of a mouse trapped within a performance space and talk about loneliness as one of my original script dictates. (Mentioned previously in the blog, titled A side-plate of cheese.) I think is interesting and should be explored further.

Part of my overall process is the changes that have come during a working rehearsal and through this the exploration of using a bedroom to create my given space.  As exemplified below by (bad photos, sorry) of my rehearsal space.

However crude this may look it perfectly fit my need for my developing solo performance as in essence it provided a accurate idea of the space I would have, it was also interesting as a actor to show a space to myself and this in turn helped me as a visual learner see what I could and could not achieve in the space. The space in itself how crude may look fitted the performance the masking tape shows the overall layout of a bog-standard bedroom with the bed taking center stage, there were ideas for me to create a nostalgic ascetically pleasing performance style I.e. a torch under the covers, however I am not sure how this would add to my performance or if it would hinder it. This could be interesting to explore in future rehearsals. Around the bed was going to be all variety of objects, this appears to be a running theme throughout my performance ideas. (The idea of everyone being together, the idea of possessions and not really mattering. A tad sad to admit.) With this script I also had the idea of behaving like an animal, very much like that like texts such as Rhinoceros written  by Eugène Ionesco and The Metamorphosis written by  Franz Kafka as these plays I find highly interesting and have always wanted to explore animistic performances on stage. However I’m not sure if this is appropriate for a ten minute solo performance.

Time will tell.

Works Cited.

Hull Truck Theatre . (2012). The Adventures of Wound Man and Shirley. [Online Video]. 30 May 2012. Available from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud5jsvC1x4g. [Accessed: 12 April 2016].